July 29th, 2006
The girl with the nose ring and tropical-fish hair was glaring at the guy in the polo shirt with the potbelly and combover. “If I have something to sell,” she continued, “and you would like to buy it, should there be anyone else involved? Let’s say I make shoes. I buy raw materials, pay for a workspace and equipment, produce, package, and deliver the product with my own labor. Neat as a pin! I pay taxes on my income, and I charge sales tax, but other than that, there’s little governmental involvement.”
“But wait,” said combover. “Suppose I really like the shoes, and so does everybody else. So you hire a couple of kids to help you out. Pretty soon, you’re renting out a bigger space, and hiring a few more people. Now you’re dealing with payroll tax laws, immigration, OSHA as well as local health and safety, state environmental and EPA. You hire an accountant and a lawyer, and they tell you « Read complete article »
July 20th, 2006
I have given up my arrogant insistence on taking responsibilities. I know, I know it’s a big change, but I can no longer resist the engulfing tide of “outsourcing”. The pandemic that started in the 1970’s and is now sweeping the world has finally infected me.
The most compelling argument for outsourcing, strangely enough, came from my dog. Some time ago I noticed my dog was doing his poo business on my neighbor’s lawn. She, being ever the neat freak, cleans it up within the hour. So let me record my thanks to Big Dog for introducing me to his way of « Read complete article »
July 14th, 2006
Why can’t we all get along? I don’t mean that in a Rodney King sort of way, I mean it in a Moral Majority sort of way. Remember them? They got all these people together who only really had one thing in common, and made them all think it was the most important issue in the world. We need to do that, and soon.
First, we need a rallying cry. Something that can draw all of those “moderate conservatives” — the ones who aren’t blood-lusting nut jobs or religious fanatics — to our side. Something that gets the Greens, the Democrats, the Peace and Freedoms and the Libertarians working on a united front instead of scrapping and scrabbling over petty issues. Something on par with « Read complete article »
July 5th, 2006
We at SubversiveMinds have received lots of hate mail over the last several weeks from readers who just don’t seem to “get” satire. Many of them arguing the very points our authors were trying to make. We have been accused of being hypocrites, idiots, and just plain mean. While all that may be true (particularly of Bitterman), we felt a satire 101 class was in order, and think no author better to start the lesson than Dr. Swift. Swift is possibly the best satirist of all time (read Gulliver’s Travels).
A Modest Proposal
by Jonathan Swift
It is a melancholy object to those who walk through this great town or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads, and cabin doors, crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six children, all in rags and importuning every passenger for an alms. These mothers, instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ all their time in strolling to beg sustenance for their helpless infants: who as they grow up either turn thieves for want of work, or leave their dear native country to fight for « Read complete article »
June 30th, 2006
Boycott! Even the word sounds fun, doesn’t it? It’s like swinging in a hammock on a warm summer day with a cool lemonade. It’s relief from the stress of feeling ineffectual, and it’s food for the starved 1-of-6-billion ego. Nobody loves a good boycott like me, for I am the king of the boycotts.
I don’t boycott the obvious places. No no no! I don’t say Wal-Mart is evil, or DuPont, or the mega-corporations funded by big tobacco. I figure there are others playing watchdog over these highly visible and eminently popular targets for boycotting. I like to march to my own drummer, I like to boycott the less obvious evildoers who might otherwise make it through this world unscathed. Here are but a few examples:
« Read complete article »
June 23rd, 2006
As George W. knows, it’s better to be dumb. I’m not saying it’s to one’s advantage to actually be stupid, but that to appear to be stupid is more socially accepted than appearing to be smart (and as we’ve seen in recent years, it gets you more votes). Smart Ass, Smart Guy, Smart Aleck, Mr. Knowitall, Wise Guy, Wise Ass, Wisenheimer, Brain, Brainiac, Egghead, Einstein, Geek, Dweeb, Nerd, etc. are all derogatory names aimed at people with above average intelligence. It’s no longer socially acceptable to point out someone’s lack of intelligence, but poking fun at someone who is seen to be unfairly advantaged is OK. If a kid is just plain stupid, we have a variety of diluting terms to boost their self-esteem: moderate achiever, sub-averagely able, intellectually challenged, and the king of politically correct labels: « Read complete article »
June 17th, 2006
What’s all this hubbub about police just opening your door and coming in? I mean, really, what do you have to hide? If you’re doing nothing illegal, you have nothing to fear. The police, after all, are in place to protect us, not to harass and intimidate us in order to promote their own power and increase their budgets. Lordy, talk about paranoid!
Oh, in case you didn’t know, the newly re-balanced Supreme Court, in a 5:4 decision, just ruled against suppressing evidence found when police enter a criminal’s house without announcing themselves (no-knock). Bravo for the highest court in the land finally protecting us instead of the criminals! To hell with the ACLU and hooray for Law and Order!
Hell yes I feel « Read complete article »
June 16th, 2006
I like to peruse the Internet. I don’t ‘surf,’ nor do I ‘cruise,’ nor ‘tour,’ nor ‘sift-through’ the Internet. I would like to ‘amble,’ but the walking analogy for the ‘Net is not quite ripe yet. Give it a year or two, and we’ll all be metaphorically ‘perambulating through’ rather than ‘riding on’ the ‘Net. Mark my words.
As I peruse. No, fuck it: As I amble through what was once cyberspace (and is now Web 2.0 — ah, that kills me!) I note many, « Read complete article »